Miserableness

I found a new (to me) blog that I've been reading for a few days now, To Love, Honor and Vacuum.  There is a prompt up on her Facebook page from a 2013 post to discuss the following question:

What do you do when your marriage is just rather miserable?

I have only been married for two weeks and three days (!!) but I've been with my love for over 11 years.  There was a period of time about seven years ago where we just were cohabitating instead of showing love and accepting love.  There are a million different reasons for why we hit a rough patch and yes, we were miserable.  But the problem was, we were each miserable for different reasons and weren’t communicating those reasons to each other.

What brought us back together was physical intimacy.  It had been several months of no lovemaking, no sex…I was sleeping on the couch just to avoid him and he was working long hours down in his office in the basement to avoid talking or dealing with me.  To the outside world, we were fine but in our own little world, we were falling apart.

One night, I was laying on the living room floor watching television and he came and laid down next to me.  I know it sounds cliché but one thing did indeed lead to another and a switch was flipped inside me..inside my bruised and aching heart.  I realized that I did love him…and he did love me. 

We never spoke of our past troubles after that night.  We just seemed to somehow fix ourselves with that one evening.  We became close again.  We made the time to be a couple and to enjoy each other’s company again..in and out of the bedroom. 

Seven years later and we are married.  We have finally talked about the period of time where things were so bad.  He brought up the subject.  He told me that he was sorry for the emotional lean times and why he had behaved the way he had.  Turns out it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with my ex coming back into the picture from Louisiana and taking me to court for visitation rights with our son.  Court took a lot out of us as a couple and a lot out of my son and it was difficult to balance the hurt and anger and fear.  Because he was hurt, he shut down and because he shut down and I didn’t know why I became resentful. 

I’m grateful for the bad times we have gone through though.  I don’t think our relationship would be as strong as it’s become if we hadn’t come through that storm.  Storms are sometimes necessary to show you what’s truly important and to prove that with open and honest communication and love, the miserable times won’t last.  

I May Be Spoiled

I work full time an hour from home four days a week and work remotely from my couch on Thursdays.  I typically leave the house around 6am and get home around 5:30pm.  Makes for a long day and while I've learned to cherish my commute, some days I just can't get home fast enough to get in my jammies and veg out on the couch for a few minutes.

Working that much doesn't leave me a whole lot of time to be the domestic diva I've always aspired to be.  Thankfully, Mr. Cricket is totally OCD and takes over the household duties while I'm gone since he works from home and can make his own schedule.

Laundry?  Thankfully, the kids do their own.  We made sure to teach them how to do their clothes at an early age so they are pretty self sufficient in that regard.  Mine goes down the laundry chute in the bathroom closet and get put in the washer by Mr. Cricket when he's doing a load of his clothes.

Meals?  Unfortunately, I'm not exactly Julia Childs in the kitchen.  I give Mr. Cricket money to go grocery shopping every week or two weeks and he takes Chase with him to the store to load up on essentials and food for dinners.  The minute I walk through the door, Mr. Cricket meets me and says, after our hello kiss, "What do you feel like for dinner?".

Vacuuming?  Well, the only real rugs we have are on the stairs going up to the first floor and down to the basement office and workshop as well as a throw rug in the living room.  I usually take care of those on the weekends.  The rest of the house has hardwood floors which Mr. Cricket mops with a special solution made especially for the wood.  I'll spot clean the floors during the week but he likes to make sure there aren't any streaks (I did mention he's got a touch of OCD, right?) so I let him go to town.

Dusting?  I take care of that on the weekends too.  Sadly we have a LOT of end tables and cabinets that need dusting so that does take awhile.

Bathroom?  In addition to having OCD, Mr. Cricket is also a slight germaphobe..lol.  I spot clean the counters and shower throughout the week but do a deep clean on the weekends.

All in all, I do feel extremely spoiled...but more than spoiled, I feel loved.  We each have our own "chores" that we do for the family and it makes me proud that we have been able to work together without too much fuss.  Although as soon as I typed that last sentence, my darling Madelyn just sassed me when I asked her to empty the dishwasher.

Sigh.

Why Now?

Why start blogging again..now?

For years I used my old blog as a sort of diary.  Writing about being adopted and being reunited with my birth families.  Writing about my childhood and surviving the abuse at the hands of my adoptive parents.  I'd write about my ex and his wife and how frustrated I'd get at them for their actions and in the case of child support, my ex's inaction.  I'd write about feeling hurt and alone and depressed.

What I didn't write enough about was the joy I felt about bringing up my kids.  Or the joy I felt in my relationship with my boyfriend and now, husband.  I ignored the days when I was happy and instead only wrote on the days I was having a hard time functioning because of my clinical depression and anxiety.

I focused on the negative.

I need to change that.  I need to talk about my family and how much in love I am with my husband.  I need to write about how proud I am watching my daughter play field hockey and basketball or my son singing at his first middle school talent show.  I need to tell you about my wedding planning and how amazing that day turned out to be.  I'll even show you some pictures if you ask me nicely. ;)

I am Married Cricket.  I am now the palest Italian girl in Central Massachusetts.  I'm a wife, I'm a mother, I'm an ex-girlfriend who may not be able to stop whining about not getting child support from my son's father but I'll also probably make you sick with the happiness I am allowing myself to finally show.

Cricket's Life

Before I get started, let me just say that it's been a VERY long time since I've blogged on a regular basis.  I had to give myself a break from all things online (except Facebook...Facebook is my one and only addiction..lol).

Few things about me:

Cricket is not my real name.  It's a nickname my family called me when I was little and I've always gone back to it when I blog.  

I just turned 40 in June.  OMG.  That was rough to type because I still visualize myself as the carefree 20 year old with the retail job and no kids.  It helps that I still get carded suspiciously at the liquor store when I'm buying wine.  You can tell that the clerk is ready to tell me to get out the store, that there is no way that I'm over the legal age for alcohol consumption.  Hahaha...joke's on you, Clerk Boy!  

I just got married on October 11th.  I'm still in the "Oh my goodness, what am I forgetting to do for the wedding?" mode even though everything went well without too many hiccups.  I freely admit that it was my fault my sister had to run back to her car to get the rings DURING the ceremony but that was the worst thing that happened and at the end of the day, I was safely ensconced in my husband's car on the way to our honeymoon in Maine so it all worked out.  He and I have been together for 11 years.  He met me during a time that I was at my lowest...I was a single mom with a 3 year old and a five month old.  I had left an abusive relationship with my son's dad and was living with my mother in her one bedroom apartment with both kids.  Mr. Cricket came into my life during the most difficult time in my life but somehow lifted me out of the depths of despair and brought light and love back into my heart.

Yes, I'm a mom to two.  My daughter Maddie, is now 14 and just started high school this year.  That was an eye opener.  She's always been a tomboy.  But this year I've seen her begin to wear a little makeup and start dressing more "girly".  She towers over me..at 5'8", she's almost a 1/2 foot taller than me which she loves to throw in my face.  She's an amazing basketball player and is just counting down the days until tryouts and she sees if she has what it takes to make the junior varsity team.  

My son Chase is 11 years old and his passion is not for sports but for singing.  He loves to perform and is eagerly looking forward to the day that he can try out for American Idol (if it's still around by then).  He had a very rough time in elementary school...felt like an outsider and that no one was his friend.  Thankfully, middle school has been much more kind to him and he's finding his niche which makes me immensely grateful and relieved.

There are other major characters in my life that I'll talk about as we go along and you get to know me better.  I'm always open to discussions and questions and comments (and post suggestions as I'm often prone to writer's block).  Speaking of writer's block, I'm also going to be attempting NaNoWriMo this November and will post my progress as the month goes on!